Couples or Relationship Therapy

Among the common reasons partners separate or divorce is the experience of growing apart or the recurrence of conflicts and arguments. When complicated by unfaithfulness or infidelity/betrayal, it can be the final undoing of the relationship, but healing is still possible. For those who identify with collectivistic cultures, conflict with extended family, challenges to fulfilling expected roles or social stigma can all lead to a breakdown of relationships. Sociocultural issues (e.g. systemic racism, economic strain or stress from adapting to more than one culture) can also affect intimacy and closeness. In interpersonal interactions, these difficult elements often appear as emotional distance, absence of closeness, lack of emotional safety, lingering wounds, and broken trust. Loneliness festers in the absence of vulnerability and in the presence of disconnection.

If you are feeling the emotional distance, missing the closeness you know once was there, or no longer feeling secure in your relationship, I am able to help. I guide partners ready to be self-reflective and own parts of themselves back to their emotions, to understanding their internal emotional experiences, and to sharing their inner worlds.

I provide a space where we can pause and slow down to help you make sense of your experiences and your patterns in your relationship. I can help you through the pain points in your relationship and support you each understand what gets in the way of having your relational needs met. I can support you to co-create a relational culture that reflects the closeness, trust and emotional safety you desire.

To the extent you and your partner(s) have already decided to part ways and could use support to move through separating amicably and collaboratively, I can help. We can clarify the areas you each find challenging, identify a way to address it, including any residual unaddressed emotions, and I can help you co-create a way of relating with compassion moving forward.

We could be a fit if you and your partner(s) are each on the same page about your relationship goal(s)—see also frequently asked questions below.

We are likely not a fit if you and your partner(s) are currently undecided about whether to stay or end your relationship, and need help clarifying which path to choose. If so, you may consider discernment counseling.

Request Appointment

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

  • Reach out to me by email at counseling@concinnitytherapy.com or request an appointment for a free half hour consultation. We will discuss your needs and see about fit. You will also receive a copy of my Professional Disclosure Statement.

  • I am a great fit for individuals, partners or family members if:

    • You are prepared and committed to slowing down, and exploring core sources of your emotional or relational stress

    • You want to develop a deeper relationship with your emotions and body, rather than intellectualizing or rationalizing them

    • You value being self-reflective, and learning to be accountable for your part, while considering sociocultural context.

    I am less suited for those seeking immediate solutions, standardized worksheets or quick advice.

  • We will schedule an initial intake session with you partner(s) or family members, and you will receive access to the client portal as well as my practice documents. The next few sessions will be related to assessment and eventually goal-setting.

  • Think of intake as a getting-to-know-you session. In the intake session, we will discuss your concerns in more detail, get to know each other further, and answer additional questions you may have about our working relationship.

    Following the initial intake session, we will schedule a longer 80-90 minute session for a more thorough assessment of your concerns and history.

    The initial assessment is me using an attachment and biopsychosocial lens to learn more about factors that influence you and your relationships such as your family history, individual mental health or attachment history. This initial assessment will happen through a course of 2-3 sessions.

    On the 4th session, we will usually clarify your therapy goals and co-create, review or adjust aspects of your treatment plan accordingly.

  • Therapy with me is client-centered, collaborative and relational.

    I center you and honor you have an inner knowing even if it may feel out of reach or vague. I am not the objective “expert” that defines your experience for you or tells you what is best for you.

    Instead, I bring my knowledge, training and experience of process. I name observed patterns, offer options as well as guidance so you can define or re-write your experiences on your own terms.

    By process, I mean the how of things or way of being—how you relate to aspects of yourself, your partner, or even, with me. Yes, we may use our working relationship together as a way to bring attention to your process.

    Therapy with me can be experiential, meaning I guide you with your consent to allow for your emotional parts and to permit your emotions or somatic sensations to inform you of your experiences given your identities and social context.

  • I tend to work with trauma in three phases, which can overlap and be circular, using an integrative approach.

    I first focus on creating internal and external safety within your relationship. I help partners learn more about their nervous system, and ways to stay emotionally regulated, grounded and oriented.

    When partners let me know they can access safety and stability internally, we would begin to address experiences related to the traumatizing events (e.g., betrayal). Partners learn to take risk to express their emotional experiences while their significant other learn to create the space for them to do so—to become emotionally responsive and engaged. Through this process, partners learn to make new meanings together.

    In the third phase, we reinforce or reintegrate new meanings or positive learnings in your day-to-day. We would help you identify what aspect of self or your relationship you want to keep or let go.

  • Integrative means I don’t rely on one theory or modality of therapy for all clients.

    I ground my work in relational/systemic and critical social theories, and blend evidence-based modalities to put these theories into practice, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, as well as somatic techniques. I tailor these modalities to your unique situation, culture, and goals.

  • For the most part, I take a relational/systemic and emotionally focused approach that is influenced by somatics and parts work. I teach you and your partner/family members this orientation.

    To be relational/systemic is to recognize your interdependence—what you say, do, think or feel influences your loved ones and what they say, do, think or feel influences you, which creates a cycle—a feedback loop. In this way, your efforts fulfill a role or function but may not be what you need to feel connected and close to each other. I help you bring awareness to this cycle by slowing you and your partner/family members down so you can see your respective roles, and the importance it holds for you.

    I also help you get under the surface layers of what you are saying, doing, feeling or thinking in reaction, or in relation, to yourself, your partner or loved ones, and into the deeper core truths—usually your insecurities, vulnerabilities or fears. This is where the emotionally-focused approach comes in.

    I help you link your vulnerabilities to your reactivity, and take risks to express such vulnerabilities to your loved ones.

    In turn, I help your partner/family member embrace or welcome your expressions of vulnerability with curiosity. If they cannot, I help them to recognize or understand this as their own blocks. An aspect of working with this block is befriending it as a part of self, and taking a somatic approach.

    When trauma is present and a source of the block, this may mean you and your partner or family member needing to connect with an individual therapist to support you through healing your trauma.

    If you would like to know more, please ask!

  • Using somatic techniques in therapy means we pay mindful attention to how your body holds stress, anxiety, perfectionism or cultural expectations. We track it together so you can feel it internally and able to link it to past or present experiences. We allow the body to inform you to release what has been stored by your autonomic nervous system reflected in your reactive responses and expand your window of tolerance.

  • No. While my legal background gives me an understanding of the court system, stress of litigation, distress of separation or divorce, professional compassion fatigue or burnout, I stay in my lane as a relational therapist. I do not provide legal representation, mediation or expert court testimony, including custody evaluations.